UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

Could Be Heading For The Good Old Days

When We Had Fun In The House


Interested In our free Video Library
 CONTACT:Boat-Man

BLEAK HOUSE

If you are interested in this ongoing and satirical blog you will need to request access

Details to follow.

Bleak House

My apologies to Dickens for this adaptation of his novel “Bleak House” a book written in Rockingham Castle and where the house was based on Rockingham Castle.
My adaptation is based on another house the “House on The Hill” but the parallels will continue albeit on a tentative and metaphorical level.
The storyline follows the plight of Jaundice and Jaundice a couple installed in “Bleak House “
by the ruthless tyrannical Mr Tulkinghorn (“I do it because I can!”)
The House a well established waterhole serving the local community and well known for it’s fine ales and social benevolence becomes the victim of Jaundice and Jaundice who are intent on destroying the future and are haunted by it’s past and intent on their own self destruction and that of Bleak House.
Main Characters
Jaundice&Jaundice
Played by Shaun Dee and Karlean Down
Tulkinghorn will be played by Huntleigh Smythe
Credits for Minor Characters will be given at the end of the first chapter.

The End

From 23 June this year the Boatman and his First Mate have been barred from the House On The Hill.

The reason given was an anonymous letter posted to the brewery critical of the present management team.

A letter that had nothing to do with us

 and we stand wrongly accused and innocent!

However I did say that when shown the letter I agreed with some of its contents.

The bottom line they wanted us /me out.

I have written since to Humphrey to let him know the situation but not to ask for

Re-instatement.

In the meantime it will be difficult to continue this blog as administrator but in the hope that we can get the pub back and in respect to those who have appeared in it and are now gone, I will freeze it.

Brewery BITTER

Seems a long time since a post was made to this blog and it has been !   
Since the departure of Anne and Jimmy,we have arrived at their anti selves ?

“ I’m Not Jimmy and She’s Not Anne !” Which when brought into context equates to :-

What is an 'Anti-Self'?
An anti-self is your complete opposite, well, except that they share your gender. They hate your favorites, and love your fears. They say things that bug you, eat things that would turn your stomach. They look like you, but are completely different at the same time. It is like you've stretched someone else's skin over your bones. The only way to know their skin, is to set them free.
Or maybe just “out of their depth” ?

What ever , the good day’s may have gone from the House On The Hill but not the people, well o.k
yes most of them have  gone  too but given a more friendly environment many could be enticed back .

At the time of writing this post I have yet to find one person who is willing to support the present regime .

I blame the brewery

For it’s policy of allowing immature, naive people with no customer skills and no
management experience to run their pubs. It’s lambs to the slaughter and grossly unfair to their customers.

The House management will probably self destruct but only time will tell.

Be patient we will get our pub, yes I do mean “our pub” back!

Good night had by one and all,farewell bash for Jimmy and Anne Brown who have now left the house on the hill after a very successful innings for customers and management.

Here's to the future .

Ninety Five Percent True

A ghost walks into a Sam Smiths pub with his severed head carried under his left arm and asks for a pint of bitter.

The chap behind the bar refuses to serve him.

Ghost: "What's the matter? Why won't you serve me? What have you got against ghosts?"

Barman: "Nothing against ghosts. I just can't afford to serve you a beer without a head"
 

Panic stations: Sad-Looking Hands-On-Face Guy has become the icon of our era of gnawing financial anxiety. Photograph: Daniel Barry/Getty Images

The last few weeks have been truly terrible ones for the financial markets. But that's just another way of saying they have been excellent weeks for the British blog Brokers With Hands On Their Faces, and its American cousin Sad Guys On Trading Floors, both of which exist to chronicle the news media's chronic overuse of stock pictures and video footage of stressed-looking men in blue shirts or jackets, standing in front of impossibly complex charts on plasma monitors, their hands on their foreheads, over their mouths, or under their chins, looking stricken or defeated or simply numb. Very occasionally it's not a man, and slightly less occasionally the shirt isn't blue. But you undoubtedly recognise the cliche: Sad-Looking Hands-On-Face Guy has become the icon of our era of gnawing financial anxiety, the blue-shirt-wearing omen of our economic doom.

THIS MAN SPEAKS FOR US ALL !

Attila The Stockbroker




............................................

OUCH That must have hurt

Who has won in War of Roses?

A modern-day War of the Roses between two Yorkshire breweries has resulted in a costly score draw.
A High Court judge said both Samuel Smith’s, of Tadcaster, and Cropton Brewery, near Pickering, had become “entrenched’” in their dispute over whether Cropton could use a white rose design on two of its beers. Samuel Smith’s claimed this was an infringement of its registered trademark.
Mr Justice Arnold ruled that Cropton had infringed Samuel Smith’s trademark rights on labels for its Yorkshire Warrior beer – but not on those for its Yorkshire bitter. “I think the overall result is fairly characterised as a score draw,” he said.
The judge then criticised both companies – and the legal system itself – for taking their dispute so far. It ought to have been settled out of court much earlier, he said, but had grown out of all proportion to what was at stake. “One explanation for this is Yorkshire pride; but I fear the English legal system bears a measure of responsibility as well.”
We agree entirely. Both Yorkshire stubbornness and Yorkshire pride played their part in ensuring this storm in a beer mug escalated out of control. But our disputatious legal system, which so often encourages confrontation, didn’t help. The result is that both breweries face hefty legal bills – and for what? This whole case should have been settled over a pint long ago.

Cropton Brewery beer label case adjourned

CROPTON brewery, based near Pickering, was banned by the Ministry of Defence from using the Yorkshire Regiment’s cap badge to help raise money for a soldiers’ charity.

However, the brewery continued to use the design, which includes a stylised Yorkshire rose, on its Yorkshire Warrior beer bottles, the High Court in London was told.

The white rose is at the heart of a legal battle between Cropton and Samuel Smith’s Brewery of Tadcaster, which says Cropton’s is so similar to its own Yorkshire rose symbol that it infringes trademark rights.

Lt Col David O’Kelly, regimental secretary of the Yorkshire Regiment, whose benevolent fund benefits from Warrior sales, said the regimental cap badge was a trademark owned by the Defence Secretary.

Phil Lee, who runs Cropton Brewery, accepted he had infringed the MoD’s rights, but contested infringing Sam Smith’s rights as the rose is the symbol of Yorkshire.

Samuel Smith’s claims it is an infringement of its trademark and confusingly similar to its rose which it has used since the 1960s.

Mr Justice Arnold reserved judgment after both sides had given closing speeches. His decision is expected shortly.

New Year At The House

                                                                  Happy New Year

Halloween

Better Late Than Never !
Halloween Slideshow

All Through The House Nothing Was Stirring Or So They Thought !

Expecting A White Christmas ?

Ho Ho Ho

The Dubliners - Fields Of Athenry

The Fields of Athenry ( lyrics )

Bring Herr Mutter To Justice !!

This Man Has Been In Our Midst And Most Likely Sabottaging Our Cube Project.   Download this mp3 from Beemp3.com

Rock Factor

Alec Rocks

Sweet Caroline

Humour is Something Cruel That Laughter Drowns :+)

Back Hall 50's Photo

Please Post A Comment If You Recognise Anyone.

Billys Ballad

8 th Welland Valley Beer Fest.

Summer is Here and So IS Beer Festival Time
Although the list of partaking pubs is almost finalised, it is subject to change
and already the Sondes has dropped out due to a dispute with Charles Well's.
No great loss in my humble opinion !

May Day May Day May Day

A visiting

sailor from the BLACK PIG makes an unscheduled
 appearance at the House.

Ship Mates From The Black Pig Join Him In The Sing Along.

He Should Know Better !

Find Nessie

Can you Find Nessie ?
The Link Below Will Take YOU To Live WebCams Overlooking Loch Ness
Any Recorded Sightings Must Be Logged with The House "Nessie Hunter" J.McD.



http://www.camstreams.com/asx.asp?user=camglobal3

Damned Clever these Japanese !

Our David

<!–INFOLINKS_OFF–>
 Although he was with us a very short time he made many friends and no enemies.
Our David taken at short notice with little known about him before he walked into the House almost a year  and a half ago looking for his mam !
But he was known to be a Vindi boy (if you don't know what a Vindi Boy is ask Cpt.Pugwash or Mrs Drysdale.)


 So long David fair winds mate

The Boatman

WE Have All Been There

The House From Above

Showing Honest Bob's Car Lot at the bottom !

Do our neighbours have a poo carbon footprint

                       Please don't get excited by the erotic attire of some of the little darlings !

The latest in Arabic bathing costumes Moroccan style.
No Fatwā need Apply ! Shukran...

just a word to see if i am using the blog site right
johnny d

BREWERY RUMOURS

Latest rumours from
 the “ Well at Tadcaster “

Is that selected pubs will have TV sets re-installed to honour the world cup.

After the sad debacle of Mary's baked pie regime , food may be re-introduced into previous established culinary food bars in the form of microwaved delights at a reported
 “well marked up price”.

Oh don't think you will be able to avoid these delights with a nibble of cheddars or other sundries
Hump is bringing in his own branded crisps and guess what at another mark up price.

MOST WANTED

                                                                                                                               

 OSAMI BIN GRAVY

for acts of terrorism .

                                                                                

known to have WMD

which he refers to as TYSON

That Nice Mr Hilter from Minehead

Thought For The Day

“No two countries with MacDonald’s go to war with one other.” 

Thomas Friedman 

Out With The Old In With The New

As the old year draws to a close I took the opportunity to scroll through all the
posts over the past six years or there about that we have been live on the web.
It brought back many memories good ,sad and funny and I thought to myself how lucky and privileged I am to share a water hole with so many eccentric crazy mixed up caring and sharing people.
I would urge you also to take the time to browse  through the past years of life at the House On The Hill
and share a thought for those who were unfortunate  not to be sharing in this New Year celebration's
 with us.
And remember this is your Blog anyone can comment or contribute and more of you should, any problems  just see Jock McDay.

New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights. 

~Hamilton Wright Mabie

A Room For A Few

The house awaits with anticipation the grand opening of it's family room,the latest brainchild from the Hump.
No expense has been spared in the renovation of the back hall in his vision to produce a family environment
a kin to a replica of a Witherspoon P.H.
Hope Sam's boy has got his marketing homework right as I am hard pushed to see where the clientel  are coming from to fill this arena
.A vast majority of Corby citizens are too frightened to cross the threshold even during these tranquil days excluding yesterday,s upturning of pool tables and clubbing of landlord with pool cue and knocking the teeth out of customers,the usual day to day activities of the house and I would assume that the regular punters are in the boozer to get away from the little brats so who does that leave ?.
Still I do wish him the very best and I'm sure we can put it to good use ,any Idea's ?

Scottish Culture

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

'Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?'

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says,

'F**k off, ye'll no bring it back!'

Scottish Bar Stool

For A friend On His Journey

Higgs Boson No Laughing Matter

More than a year after an explosion of sparks, soot and frigid helium shut it down, the world’s biggest and most expensive physics experiment, known as the Large Hadron Collider, is poised to start up again. In December, if all goes well, protons will start smashing together in an underground racetrack outside Geneva in a search for forces and particles that reigned during the first trillionth of a second of the Big Bang.




•

Then it will be time to test one of the most bizarre and revolutionary theories in science. I’m not talking about extra dimensions of space-time, dark matter or even black holes that eat the Earth. No, I’m talking about the notion that the troubled collider is being sabotaged by its own future. A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather


First, congratulations for proving the existence of the Higgs boson! This feat will shortly catapult you into the scientific stratosphere, where you will be lauded with prestigious awards and offers of tenure. Your life will change tomorrow, but today, at this moment, you must concentrate on staying calm and eliminating the wily particle. You can’t spend that Nobel Prize money if you’re dead.

1. Do not panic. Resist the urge to induce vomiting. If the Higgs boson gets stuck in your teeth, they could turn into pure light.

2. If space and time have inverted within your body, skip to step 10.

3. Higgs bosons exist in a Higgs field. If you find that you or any of your atoms are in a Higgs field, remove yourself and them immediately to prevent further ingestion. At least cover your head. If you feel a sharp jolt, you are merely standing in an electromagnetic field, from which it may also be wise to remove yourself.

4. If you happen to ingest the Higgs boson in Europe, proceed to the CERN laboratory in Geneva. Don’t take the airport tram, take the special bus from Meyrin. Make sure you are carrying no metallic objects, as the Large Hadron Collider’s magnetic field is 100,000 times more powerful than the average planet’s. If you are not in Europe, proceed to your nearest hospital, preferably one with a particle physics ward.

Do you feel protons decaying? Grand Unification may be occurring near your vital organs
.5. Until such time as you are able to reach Geneva and/or a trained physicist, you may attempt the Freundlich Maneuver on yourself, as you will remember from reading Vector? You Brought ‘er! Health Hazards in Quantum Physics (Jonathan Cape, 2002). If you have been remiss in your self-study of particle safety, do not assume that the Freundlich Maneuver is anything like the Heimlich Maneuver. Their similar names are a constant nuisance to the estates of both Dr. H. J. Heimlich and Count Udo von Freundlich. The Count’s maneuver does not involve egestion or thrusting. Rather, it is a firming of the will that respects the Higgs boson while asserting your own dominance. Just because it can create mass doesn’t mean it has to.

6. If the Higgs boson begins creating mass in your esophagus or stomach before you reach a hospital, you will need to perform an immediate bosonectomy on yourself. Luckily, surgical knowledge is not necessary. Just choose from the array of probable outcomes that will manifest themselves upon your decision to perform surgery, and make the one most favourable to yourself into reality. Be sensible—do not wait for the outcome in which you successfully remove the boson and win the lottery and grow wings.

7. Do you feel protons decaying? Grand Unification may be occurring near your vital organs. However, this may be caused by far less elegant X bosons—the poor man’s Higgs, as it were. We shall not deal with these “country cousins” here. Still, you must not use electroweak force in this situation. You must at least attempt to curb the force of your nuclei to delay Grand Unification. You would be wise to begin a preventive training regimen for your nuclei right away—Fermion My Wayward Son (Bloomsbury, 1996) contains the internationally accepted techniques.

8. For trained individuals who consider the touchy-feely Freundlich Maneuver beneath them, initiate a quantum fluctuation which resembles the formation of a new universe. The Higgs boson will attempt to create mass in the faux-universe; when it does, phase yourself out of this dimension before the boson gets wise. You may also need to rally intermediate vector bosons to keep the Higgs occupied while you make your escape. It may be encouraging to know that if something goes wrong, you have a viable kidney in each of the 11 dimensions. (In the underwater dimension, you will have to defeat the murderous, telekinetic sea sponge to get your kidney back.)

9. If all else fails, the only foolproof way to remove the Higgs boson from your innards is to disprove its existence. This assumes you are able to manipulate your limbs well enough to write a paper. If your hands have grown to the size of large cities, it is acceptable to find a jealous scientist to disprove it for you. Believe me, there will be many to choose from. Do not cheat by purchasing a pre-written paper disproving the Higgs boson. These are poorly researched and grammatically offensive, and most were written by the telekinetic sea sponge.

10. If you have skipped from step 2 to 10, and space and time have truly inverted, this step no longer has a coherent numerical value and has become a non-associative factor; in fact, this could be step 1,072 or step 30-17, or a step that only exists in a parallel universe. For any and all steps existing in a parallel universe, follow as directed and add beard.

Lookalikes.

Well they do say that pets and owners grow to resemble each other!

From The Heart

It's been a funny old year !

But nothing quite as funny as this.....

Enjoy as they say in American Diner's

All proceeds to charity.

You Follow One Kid Home, Rip Out His Eyes And All The Sudden You're A 'Killer' Squirrel

I'm a happy-go-lucky squirrel who loves living the good life of climbing trees and eating nuts. Mostly eating nuts. Man! I can't get enough of them. So tasty. But let's make one thing clear, right here and now: I have never killed anyone.
Look at me! I'm a squirrel, for crying out loud. How am I going to kill a human being? Even if I wanted to, it would be impossible. "Killer Squirrel?" Please. It's just a cruel name made up by lazy journalists who want to move papers.
The truth is that the "attack" in question was merely the result of an unfortunate misunderstanding between myself and a young boy with a bag of peanuts, who remains alive and well to this day. Does he have both eyes? No. Is he blind? Absolutely not! They were able to surgically re-insert the left eye, and he has about 40 percent of his sight in the right one.
So you tell me: How does that make me a killer?
I concede I had his route home memorized, but I wasn't following him, per se. I was following the bag of peanuts he bought at the corner store, just like he does every afternoon around 3:30. Before you judge, let me remind you that there are plenty of people who spy on kids for their own reasons, and, like myself, the vast majority of them are not child murderers.
I blame the mainstream media for blowing this whole incident out of proportion. Did they report on all the kids I followed home that I didn't attack? Of course not. They just rush to be the first to demonize a poor innocent squirrel who just couldn't stand to see a naughty little boy spill a bunch of yummy nuts.
Those so-called journalists got so many details wrong, I'm at a loss as to where to begin. For example, I'm not "an enormous, savage rodent." I'm just an average-size squirrel. There were no reporters on the scene, so how would they even know anyway? I promise, when I jumped down on that kid's shoulder and sunk my claws into his face, there was no one there to see it.
I made damn sure of that.
In fact, none of the published accounts were even remotely accurate. They referred to me as "rabid and bloodthirsty." That is denigrating on so many levels. I am absolutely not rabid. Yes, I had a little mange earlier this year, but it cleared right up. And I may be nut-hungry, but that's a far cry from bloodthirsty. These labels are slander and libel, and frankly, they hurt. If I had a minute alone with one of these no-good "reporters," and could wrap my yellow teeth around one their eyeballs, believe me, I'd do it.
They all think they're judge, jury, and executioner. Well, I'd like to remind them of something: Intent is nine-tenths of the law, and I never intended to rip up that kid's corneas like I did. Once he started screaming, though, everything kind of went to red. Hell, it's not like I got out of this unscathed—he must've knocked me off his head three or four times during the ensuing chaos. Next thing I know, the kid's flailing on the ground screaming bloody murder, and then a bunch of adults and sirens show up. Things were looking pretty bleak for old Danny the Squirrel, so I ran.
Look, it's been a tough year. I may have gotten desperate at times, but I'm no murderer. I swear to you. Do I look like I could kill someone?
Do I have regrets? Sure. I should have just picked the peanuts up off the ground the moment he dropped them, and taken them up a tree with me. I would have been in nut heaven. Instead, I wound up covered in blood, freaking out, as I ran across the street, barely avoiding a speeding car, without a single nut to my name.
To repeat: All that and I didn't even get any nuts. Well, I thought I had one, but once I stopped running, I realized it was only a damn eye, and I certainly had no desire to eat that.
And another thing, the term "killer squirrel" implies habitual behavior and that I have assaulted multiple kids, and that is completely a lie. There's no denying that I have followed other kids home in the past in the hopes of getting some nuts. They're all still alive, though. The smart ones tossed a couple of nuts at me. And the dumb ones, well, they're not worth the hassle. They'll get what they deserve in the end.
You think I'm crazy? Maybe I'm crazy for nuts, but that's all. I am what I am—I am what society made me. We all have our flaws. I love nuts, maybe too much. But I ask: Is that

What Makes An Engineer ?

The Engineer at the Golf Course

A vicar, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

"Ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The vicar said, "That's so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

You Know It Makes Sense

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart!

Anyone Fancy A Beer Fest Out Of Town ?

This has to be our sort of festival,over 50 different beers on sale ,music & noise till late,possibility of camping localy ,August bank holiday ,interested then leave a comment below.

Extract from the Commission For The Exclusion of House on The Hill Person’s

and their potential impact on the local community.

View Larger Map

What The Gaffer Does On His Night Off !

7WVBF

DO RE MI DRINK, by Homer J. Simpson.

DO...... the stuff... that buys me beer...

RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...

ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,

FAR..... a long way to get beer...

SO...... I'll have another beer...

LA...... I'll have another beer...

TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...

That will bring us back to... (Looks into an empty glass)

D'OH!

Local Pair Reek Havoc In Cornish Village